


The Fear of God

by NanakiBH



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Awkward Crush, Halloween, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Melancholy, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 16:04:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21256037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: It's important to know when to be afraid.





	The Fear of God

**Author's Note:**

> Writing at the speed of light, I managed to finish this in time for Halloween.
> 
> I intended for this to be cute. But then it was sad. My hands are cursed.

“Have they done it?”

“Master?”

“Have they done as I asked?”

Luxu understood what he was talking about. He just wondered why the Master always had to speak so vaguely. Half of the time, he was nodding, pretending that he understood. The other half of the time, he was asking a million questions in the hope of receiving some clarity. If he was the person who understood the Master the best, then he really felt bad for everyone else.

“Master, if you took a look outside, I think you could see for yourself.”

The Master turned his chair around and gestured around at the room. “See any windows?”

Luxu was speechless.

“Exactly.”

Was there a problem with getting up and looking outside? Could he not use his Gazing Eye for something trivial? Luxu didn't want to call him lazy, but... There were certainly times when it felt like it would have been the appropriate word.

“Master...”

He wanted to ask him when the last time was that he left the clock tower, but he reconsidered. He felt like that would have sounded a little too accusatory. For all he knew, the Master might've had a productive social life outside of the clock tower... But if he did, Luxu had never heard about it. It was an absolute mystery. As far as he was aware, the Master stayed inside all the time. It seemed like a problem.

_Someone_ had to motivate him. He needed human interaction. Luxu got the feeling that the Foretellers wouldn't have been successful if they tried, so it was up to him. It was his responsibility.

He was glad to take it upon himself.

But he barely had the guts.

“Um... Would you... like to g-go out--... and look at the decorations with me?” For a hot second there, he almost slipped up and made it sound like he was asking him on a date. He might as well have been.

He really wanted to go out with him.

Even if they just went down to the plaza and walked around for a little while, he could pretend like he and the Master were more than just student and teacher.

Walking side by side...

And maybe...

H-holding...

Holding hands...!

“Huh? Me?” The Master's whole body suddenly stiffened. Turning his head to the side, he reached up and pulled his hood down lower, obscuring any sight of his face. He waved a hand at Luxu dismissively. “N-nah, it's fine. Listen, those are for the kids to enjoy. It'd just be awkward for an old dude like me to show up. Ha ha...”

Did his voice tremble...?

A ridiculous thought crossed Luxu's mind.

It sounded impossible, but he couldn't think of any other reason for his unusual behavior. He was usually unusual, but he seemed unusual in a way that wasn't usual for him.

“Master, are you afraid of Halloween?”

“M-me? Wh-wh-who would be scared? Whaaaaat?”

He was right...

For some reason, the Master appeared to be afraid of Halloween. He always acted like he was fearless, so it was kind of surprising... But Luxu couldn't blame him. Everyone had something they were afraid of.

Taking a step closer with his hands clasped in front of him, he tried to assure him with a soft voice. “The fountain plaza looks really cute right now. It's not scary at all. There are balloons and streamers and carved pumpkins... They did exactly as you requested.” He noticed the Master peeking at him from under his hood. “It seems like the wielders are enjoying it a lot. Some of them are already wearing costumes.”

The Master was quiet for a moment, fidgeting in his chair in a nervous way.

“W-well, if they're having fun, then that's all that matters. T-tell the others I said good job!”

He gave him a big thumbs up, but Luxu wasn't satisfied with that.

“I think the others would be happier if they heard it from you. Why don't you at least go down to tell them? You don't have to stay long.” Seeing that it still wasn't working, he let out a sigh and decided that it was time to pull out the big guns. “Ava said she was hoping you'd be proud of their work. She just wanted to make you happy, Master. Imagine how disappointed she'll be if I tell her that you couldn't make it...”

“She won't lose faith in me that easily, Luxu.”

“That's not the point!”

He hadn't meant to raise his voice... The Master was just so stubborn sometimes. He really thought he could convince him if he made him feel a little guilty, but apparently it was impossible to guilt someone who was always confident in their decisions.

That was impertinent of him... He shouldn't have been so disrespectful...

“Sorry, Master... I... understand if you'd rather stay here.”

He didn't, though. He didn't understand why the Master would have rather chosen his own solitude.

It wasn't exactly his place to wonder about it, though. Even if it seemed silly to him, the Master probably had a reason. He had a sure reason for everything. There were a lot of things that were simply beyond his understanding, so it was a comfort that the Master always had a plan.

“Okay,” the Master said, calmly rising from his chair.

That was sudden.

At first, Luxu thought he misheard him.

“You'll go?”

“Yeeeah... But only because you asked so nicely.”

“O-oh.” Luxu blushed, his heart fluttering happily. He politely bowed his head. “Thank you, Master.”

The Master strode across the room, but he stopped before he reached the door and spun around on his heel.

“I don't have a costume.”

“I don't think that matters...?” Luxu looked down at himself. “I don't have a costume. The others aren't wearing costumes, either.”

But that was because they weren't allowed to wear anything besides their robes. It was important for them to practice modesty with clothes that reflected their values. It helped to prevent unnecessary feelings of competitiveness. They weren't defined by what they wore.

There was too much arrogance in the way the keyblade wielders flaunted their fashion senses. Luxu could tell that it displeased the Master.

So why was he letting them celebrate something like Halloween...? Seemed counter-intuitive...

Maybe he was just hoping that the wielders would get tired of always competing in petty ways. Really, did it matter who had the newest clothes? They were just being wasteful, throwing their munny at every new thing, prisoners to the fear of being left out.

They were having so much fun...

But were they, though?

Weren't they just making themselves unhappy?

“Hm... Well, I suppose I look plenty menacing in this black hood. Do you think the kids'll be scared of me?”

“Yeah, actually.”

“Good.”

“Y-you want them to be afraid of you?”

The Master lifted his shoulders in a shrug and made a lazy gesture with his hands. “If I'm going to grace them with my presence, then of course. Wouldn't want them getting used to it. They should _hope_ not to see me.”

“What does that mean?” Luxu muttered warily.

“It means...” A dark shadow covered the Master's face. He crouched to half his height, becoming quiet, then he sprang up with his fingers spread and curled like claws. “I can be a scary Master if I have to be!” he said, finishing with a comical growl.

“As if,” Luxu laughed.

The Master smiled at him warmly and reached out to stroke his cheek. “That's right. Luxu's a good boy, so he has nothing to fear. This big bad monster only eats bad children.”

Luxu's heart nearly exploded from his chest. He had to resist the urge to cover the Master's hand with his own.

Yeah...

The Master was kind of scary.

It was scary how perfect he was.

* * *

Outside the clock tower, the Master turned to Luxu.

“So, what're we gonna do?”

“Huh?” Luxu stopped walking and looked up at him. He thought that the Master had agreed to follow him to the plaza to thank the Foretellers for decorating. There was no way he had forgotten so quickly.

“I descended the tower for you.”

Luxu's mouth gaped and he blinked, his brain struggling to catch up. “Oh, u-um... Okay. I think I'd still like to see the fountain plaza with you, if that's okay. We can go up to the hill if you'd rather keep your distance.”

No.

He shouldn't have said that. He was being selfish. It wasn't right for him to keep the Master's attention to himself.

“Alrighty. Onward, Luxu!” The Master turned, pointing dramatically, and began to march in the direction of the hill that overlooked the town.

Luxu's lip quivered as he struggled to speak what he was thinking, but his heart wouldn't let him say it. Inside, he knew that if he told him that he wanted to visit the others, he would have been telling a lie.

He didn't care what they were up to. He didn't even really care about whether they were going to be disappointed if the Master didn't show up to give them his approval. A part of him even delighted in the thought of Ava's frowning face.

As they approached the hill, his feet began to slow until he reached an eventual stop behind the Master.

He guiltily cast his eyes to the ground.

“Master...”

“Hmmm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You're always asking me things,” he laughed. “I already know what you're going to say, but go ahead. Let's hear it.”

Luxu's head jerked up and he stared at the Master with wide eyes, startled.

“S-so you know...” His heart pounded painfully and his face burned, his emotions threatening his eyes with tears that he refused to show in front of the Master. It was still difficult to speak, even though his words were as good as already said. “You know that there are things in my heart that I'm ashamed of... What am I supposed to do about those things? Do I keep them inside? But... If I do that, isn't that the same as sheltering darkness in my heart? W-... Won't it consume me?”

“Yeah, that sure is a pickle, isn't it?” He almost sounded unconcerned, but he looked at Luxu with a steady gaze. “It's actually pretty simple. Just accept that it's a part of you. No need to force it out. If you feel ashamed because of it, then that's already enough. You don't need to punish yourself further. The real problem is when people don't recognize the darkness inside of themselves. If they don't accept it, it takes control of them... Makes them do terrible things...”

Luxu slowly took in a trembling breath and let it out all at once.

“So, I'll be... okay?”

“Uh-huh. You're fine.”

Fine...

He was fine.

The Master saw that there was darkness in him and he didn't reject him for it.

“Master, thank you.”

He laughed. “Don't fear yourself, Luxu. There are scarier things in the world.”

Luxu also laughed, feeling considerably better already. “Scarier than facing your own darkness? Like what?”

The Master crossed his arms over his chest and tensed up again, shivering a little.

“In the future, there's a world full of talking skeletons, ghosts, and monsters who spend every day preparing for Halloween. I-it's the scariest place I've ever seen... It's their pride. They've perfected the art of what it means to be scary. Just thinking about it gives me the chills. And... just knowing that I have to go there in the future...” He suddenly flailed his arms uncontrollably, shouting. “Ahhhh! I can't handle it! I don't want to!”

“It can't be that bad...?”

“Easy for you to say,” the Master said, pouting. “You've got nerves of steel.”

“Me? I think you've got the wrong person.”

“You should go for me so I don't have to.”

“Uh...?”

“J-just kidding!” the Master said, flapping his hands playfully.

It didn't sound like he was kidding. Little did he know, Luxu would have been willing to do anything for him – but he had no idea what world he was talking about, and he didn't know _when_ he was talking about, either. Even if he promised to take his place, it might not have been a promise he would have been able to keep in the future.

The Master turned and went up the hill. Luxu hurried to keep up with him.

At the top of the hill, they were able to see the whole town. The plaza was covered in purples and oranges. There were more keyblade wielders there than usual, gathered to trade candy with each other. Their lively voices could be heard even from that far away.

When Luxu looked up at the Master, he noticed him looking down at them with a small, fond smile on his face. There was something about it that Luxu found almost sad, though...

As if he were responding to his thoughts, the Master spoke.

“They look happy. I'm the only one who's afraid...”

When Luxu looked back out over the town, he wondered what the Master saw.

Their happiness certainly pleased the Master... But he was afraid for them. It was clear that he cared very much about them and the condition of their hearts. Maybe he rarely went outside because he was afraid of watching them stray farther from the light. They really did look happy... But Luxu had to wonder how many of them were like him.

It might have been all of them... And they were only able to smile like that because they didn't even understand what it was that caused their hearts pain.

Children who were blissfully unaware of their own darkness, whose smiles would be consumed by it before they realized...

He turned away from the town.

He didn't have nerves of steel...

He was scared, too.

“Let's go, Master. I think we've seen enough.”

All he could see was a town in ruin.

With his head bowed and his hands clasped behind his back, the Master quietly returned with him to the clock tower.


End file.
